CrossFit Sectionals
I’m 36 years old and I feel like I am almost in the best shape of my life. I am stronger than I ever have been, and probably healthier than ever. I think I had a stronger aerobic ability and stamina/local muscular endurance when I was boxing, but this came at an expense of strength & power. This past weekend, I and 63 others were put to test to find out how our bodies could handle a saga of shit over two cherry days amongst the fittest athletes in the northwest. Long story short, I forgot my bitch-a-way-cream.
I wasn't planning on going to sectionals Afterall, I finished 28th in regionals and they only accepted the top 20 finishers. You can imagin my surprise when I got an email 1 month prior to sections that read "Congratulationes! Vente a Washington para Sectionales!" "OH NO!" I yelled. I was in near adrenal failure by the time the games kicked off lastSaturday morning. Shelly and I left Portland at 5 AM Saturday morning and arrived to the Pullayulp fair grounds two and a half hours later. Speeler, Jerome, Widman, Dan & Alicia Staton – there they all were, ready to kick some ass and take names. Everyone was sporting their flair from their respective CrossFit affiliates; hoodies up, ipod and headphones on, walkin’ like they got shot in the leg. Though looks can be intimidating, I didn’t meet anyone with an ego that smelled like rotten eggs. Everyone was very respectful, polite and courteous
I was slightly nervous for the first WOD, which was 3 rounds of 10 135 lb overhead squats and 50 double unders for time. I wasn’t too concerned about the double under because I’m a boxer, and I like to jump rope. What I didn’t count on was trying to do 50 double unders after completing 10 135 lb overhead squats. I looked like Maggie Simpson trying to walk a tight rope. That didn’t go so hot. I think my time was about 7:52 and Speeler scored 2:36. That was slightly disappointing for me, but after all, I was just going for fun.
I was really looking forward to the second WOD which was called something like Assmaster Deadlifts. They were performed with a 2” diameter deadlift bar, which I really liked. You could choose from different weights, 263, 303 (roughly) and 363 (roughly) and had 90 seconds to perform as many reps as possible. My goal was 32 with 263 and I completed 29. Not shabby. Jerome performed 36 with 303. It was nothing less than amazing.
Everyone was waiting for the end of the second WOD because then the judges would tell us what day 2 would consist of. “Okay,” says Kurtis, the main organizer and host. “ Get here in time to get your chip.” “Yes!” I shout out. I was so excited to run, because that’s what one of my strengths are. “Listen up, the second WOD:
30 calories row
30 95lb thrusters
20 1.5 pood kb swings
3 20’ rope ascents
20 calories row
20 115lb thrusters
20 1.5 pood kb swings
2 rope ascents
10 calorie row
10 135lb thrusters
10 1.5 pood kb swings
1 rope ascent
Everyone started cheering about the WOD once Kurtis announced it and all I could think was “What the hell are you cheering at? You guys are nuts! You should be crying instead of cheering.” I think that’s what separates me from THEM.
Shelly and I then go out to Red Robin for dinner where I ordered the salmon burger wrapped in lettuce and the chicken wrap, wrapped in, well...a wrap. I was starving.
So, the next morning. The chip is on, I’m at the starting line, the bell rings and I bolt out of the starting gate. I lead for about ¾ a mile, which I was pretty happy about. The first mile was completely up hill, and when I say up hill, I mean up hill. I’m aint talking about no little incline like the on ramp at Corn Pass to the 26. I mean like Helvetia/Skyline. 1.5 miles uphill. Holy crap I was sucking wind. I had to stop twice at power walk for 30 seconds. I could hear people approaching me as I was walking too, trying to pass me. I couldn’t let them overtake me so I pulled up my big boy underwear and started hoofing it asafp. I finished somewhere are around 36 out of 64, I again, I was pretty happy.
I strap into the rower, the bell rings and I’m off. “Not so bad.” I say to myself. Then the 30 thrusters. “Huh, this feels like about 65 lbs.” I say to myself. I thought I would be able to climb without feet on the rope, but there was no such luck. I crawled my way up there three times with legs. The KB swings went smoothly enough and I was off to the second set.At this point, my legs and lungs are toast, like Dave's Killer Bread, really overdone toast. I literally gave everything in the run. I had not an ounce more. Once the run was over, I though long and hard about dropping out and not continuing the second WOD. Shelly said “Hey, you’re Chuck MaFuckin’ Gonzales and you have to represent! You better get it together!” As encouraging as that sounded, it didn’t really help the burning in my body. I pretty much napped, replenished and stretched for the next 3.5 hours. I couldn’t believe I was going for the next WOD. All I wanted to do was get through the first set. They begin to announce our names and out we go into the arena.
While it was no walk in the park, I made it through the second set. I could feel the calves twitching, desperately trying to tell me that they were ready for bed. Nope, too bad. Fight through it, I tell them.
Then, the inevitable approached. The big Pink Floyd Brick Wall came riding in on a fucking thundering stallion with sword and shield brandished in a CrossFit shirt that said “unFuckWithAble”. He was right.
Once I was on my third set of rowing, I think I was moving slightly faster than Betty White in a Victoria’s Secret outlet store. My legs were shot and had nothing left. The entire arena was silent, I couldn't hear anything except for the hooves which were fast approaching. I finish my 10 calories then make my way slowing to the 135lb bar that’s just looking at me, laughing hysterically. “You’re going to pick me up 10 times?” The bar says to me. “Well, I didn’t come this far for nothing.” I reply. “Who the hell is this psycho?” My judge thinks to herself.
I surprise myself and complete the first 5 unbroken. I could hear my calves taking talking to me again. “Come on guys, we’re almost done.” I say. Rep #6: I explode up with the bar….zing!!!! “Screw you Dad, we’re going to bed!” My calves scream. I yell like a little girl and drop to the dirt. All I could think of was Lindsay’s advice she gave me once of “toes to nose!”. That’s what I did. Then, I heard the cold voice of Kurtis on the overhead PA system: 1 minute remaining! I knew I wouldn’t complete the WOD in time, but I could complete the thruster! By God I was bound to finish my thrusters.
I manage to pick myself up from the dirt. I walk to the bar and say to my calves “Listen, we can do this the hard way, or we can to this the easy way. But either way, we have to get it done, and we have about 30 seconds to do it.” I put my hands on the bar and the crowd goes wild. I clean it to my shoulder, squat & press. I can hear the crowd cheering louder. Three more! Two more! With 3 seconds left and Kurtis counting down on the overhead, I’m at the bottom of my squat with the bar on my shoulder. I force my legs to fire and get my ass up. Two seconds left! With every last bit of strength in my body, I push the bar up, lock out the elbows, then I hear “….one. Time!”. I got my thrusters and the crowd goes wild. I thought the crowd went wild, anyway.
"Is this real life?" I say to my judge. "I can't feel anything." "Is this going to be forever?"
"I have two fingers." Drool, drool, drool, pouring down my face.
I’ve gave high fives to everyone I could reach, especially to Tom from CrossFit Breakthrough. Tom was cheering for me and I remember making eye contact with him on one of my ascents up the rope. I was so fatigued and just hung there, 15' up, until I could muster the effort to reach the 20’ mark. I looked over and there he was, looking at me and nodding his lead, like – “Pull it out of you kid, dig deep, focus, you can do it.” Thanks Tom. And thank you to Rainer CrossFit for being exceptional hosts and organizing an amazing. I know that these things can be a logistical nightmare sometime, but you really made it look effortless. Thank you hosts and thank you athletes for being formidable. Thank you Jerome, Todd & Dan for constantly being gentlemen.
I’ve been a ravenous best ever since Saturday. I just can’t seem to eat enough food. I’m literally starving 20 minutes after I eat. In fact, it’s 10:30 PM right now and I think I’m due for some of our new CrossFit burgers.
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